We’re watching the Star Wars movies in order, and last night we watched the second movie.
This is not a review. It’s just my thoughts after re-watching Attack of the Clones for the first time in about 20 years. This isn’t meant to rain on anybody’s love for this movie – it’s an attempt to articulate my own feelings about it. Your mileage may most definitely vary.
I remember watching Attack of the Clones when it was first released in the theater. But unlike with the first movie, I can’t remember anything about it. Essentially, last night was like watching it for the first time.
Compared to the mess that was The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones is a better movie. That bar was set very low, though. The plot was better, but still overly complicated. At least the tone of the movie was consistent this time.
Warning! Spoilers Below (if there can be such a thing as spoilers for a movie released in 2002).
What I Liked
Obi-Wan on the Planet of the Clones. As soon as Obi-Wan arrived on the planet Kamino and was welcomed as if he was expected (well, a Jedi was expected), I kept waiting for him to arrogantly demand answers. The fact that he played along and never let on that he had no idea what was going on turned my expectation on its head. I was pleasantly surprised at the subtlety he (mostly) displayed.
What I Was Ambivalent About
Palpatine/Darth Sidious’s Long Game. I’m not convinced that Palpatine needed the whole convoluted long game of making the Republic cooperate in its own downfall. The Republic had no army, nor did they seem to want one. It was also pretty obvious that the Republic couldn’t agree on just about anything. Palpatine had both the clone army, as well as the droids he could use to supplement them. Why not just attack? The Republic would likely have crumbled in the face of overwhelming force. About the only reason I can see for Palpatine doing it this way is because it pleased him to be clever. *shrug*
What I Disliked
Anakin Skywalker. What a whiny, petulant teenage brat! Angry because Obi-Wan didn’t think he was ready to be a full Jedi Knight? Unable to think beyond his hormones? Making everything that goes wrong be someone else’s fault, never his own? He was the epitome of a spoiled little boy (and the wooden acting didn’t help matters).
There were a couple of brief flashes – a turn and a look in his eyes of pure hate/pure evil – where I actually believed he would become Darth Vader. But other than that, not so much. Honestly, in most of his scenes I kept expecting him to stamp his feet and have a temper tantrum when he didn’t immediately get what he thought he deserved.
Padmé Amidala. Such a disappointment. The strong, confident young woman from the first movie (one of the best things about it) was (mostly) relegated to the “love interest” of a sniveling teenage boy. To say the two of them had zero chemistry together is being kind. I simply could not fathom what she saw in him; their relationship made no sense.
And don’t even get me started on Padmé giving Jar Jar Binks her proxy for the Senate. Jar Jar Binks. Seriously??
Shmi Skywalker (Lars). Anakin waited ten years before going back to check on the mother he left behind in slavery? And then we’re supposed to believe he’s all torn up about her death? Well, sure, because it’s all about him. And he couldn’t have convinced Obi-Wan to do something about his mother a lot sooner than this? I don’t buy it.
The Jedis. I’m starting to think that when I hear “Jedi” I should think “incompetent.” Aside from being really good with lightsabers and occasionally moving things with their minds, what good were they? They certainly didn’t seem to be able to see what was right in front of their noses. And they were arrogant, as well.
The Glopitta-Glopitta Machine (i.e. the droid factory). Every time there’s a scene like this in a movie or tv show now, I think of the scene in Galaxy Quest with the chompers. I agree with Gwen when she says, “This episode was badly written!”
Conclusion
Honestly, this wasn’t a horrible movie, it was just…mediocre, for the most part. As with The Phantom Menace, about the best thing I can say for it is that (1) the special effects still hold up well, and (2) it has a lot of information that explains things in later movies (and that alone makes it worth watching).
